Lesson 1: Drunk texting is a fact of life.

It’s inevitable. It’s Friday night and that third cosmo just took. Your friend goes to the bathroom and you have five minutes to yourself. I’d suggest you order another drink, I’d suggest you start chatting up the person next to you about how much you like his Backstreet Boy-esque frosted tips, I’d suggest you do absolutely anything to distract yourself from taking your phone out of your pocket. But in that moment of weakness, you'll slip out your phone and then type and retype a message over and over until it hits the right combination of witty, flirty, and I-don't-care-if-you-text-me-back breezy and then you'll hit send with equal parts hesitation and abandon and you’ll set your phone on the counter as if you haven’t a care in the world and go back to sipping your drink, all the while incredulous as to why that damn backlight isn’t going on in return.

I’ve learned that I am not immune to the drunk texting bug. In fact, it’s a little guilty pleasure of mine – somewhere between George Michael karaoke and Saved by the Bell reruns - and many of you have probably been my victims. So here is the bit of wisdom I picked up over the weekend that hopefully will make your life a little bit better: do not read your sent messages in the morning.

In the morning, what at first looked witty now seems a touch cliche, flirty borders on slutty, and I-don't-care-if-you-text-me-back breezy reads much more like I-will-probably-cry-if-you-don’t-respond frantic. In the morning, “Hope you’re having a great night” was really “If I have one more drink I’ll probably break into your bedroom window.” In the morning, you feel a little like a jackass.

So ignore all your friends when they tell you not to drunk-text (trust me, they do it too); drown out that little voice inside that tells you to keep your phone in your pocket because it’s rude to text all night (it is, but whatever); but give yourself a break the next morning and don’t Tivo your sent messages. I intend to cease the practice immediately.